You've just purchased a sweet new bong or a fine dab rig. It arrives, you unbox and promptly clean it. Then it's given it's hallowed place in your collection, right next to the Illadelph and in front of that older Grav you bought in college. Finally, the moment comes for you to christen it with a first smoke. You pack a bowl, light it up and make your first pull on your brand new daily rig.
All is good in the world, right? No. Because before you do anything you need to name your bong. Why? Well, as with a fishing boat or a new child, your bong needs a name so that you can differentiate it and imbue it with meaning. Naming it establishes a connection between you and this object which is about to become an important part of your life
And you may be saving your bong's life. According to a superstition that been around since the hazy headshop days of the early 1970s a bong that is named is far less likely to be knocked over and broken. The belief is that an object with a name is more human, and thus more likely to be handled with care. And even if its not true do you really want to tempt to smoke Gods?
Now, the hard part is coming up with a name. One tack is to take a celebrity name and "bongify" it, as was done in the stoner comedy Half Baked, which included references to bongs named "Billy Bong Thornton" and "Wesley Pipes".
Other great celebrity names for a new water pipe are "Kief Richards," "Ashin Kutcher," "Tom Danks," "James Bong," and "Dank Sinatra." For those who like politics there is always "George W. Kush," and "Kim Bong Un." The world of sports provides some favorites, as well including "LeBong James" and "Tim Tebowl."
For those who want something original there is even a Bong Name Generator which works at the click of a button. Perhaps the best way to name your bong is to use it a few times and let your creative juices flow during a smoke session.